You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize