If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
