this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
