At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Tornado booty call.. dedication
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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