Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
