my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
