I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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