so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
