then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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