dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize