Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
