You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
