Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
