He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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