I think I won the penis lottery.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The adults are the big ones right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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