is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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