Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
false alarm. still invincible.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize