my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
