Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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