Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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