Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You made out with two different species that night
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
