what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just had sex bonerless
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
