Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
