My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
