I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize