I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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