Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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