I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize