YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
