Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
