Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize