If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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