i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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