I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
