I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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