The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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