he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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