I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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