I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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