I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
