Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
