i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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