An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
