: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
