he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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