That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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