my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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