Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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