i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
