We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
