The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
