would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
