i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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