90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
