I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
