dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize