So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
