i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
