Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize