You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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