my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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