His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
