How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
