Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I wear drunk well.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
