i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
